Childbirth on dad's side

The big day is fast approaching: just a few more weeks and you'll be a dad!

Although you won't be physically giving birth, you too will be bringing a child into the world and embracing a new identity: that of a father. Emotionally, this moment is just as overwhelming for you as it is for your partner. Discover our tips for best supporting the expectant mother and calmly navigating these few hours that will change everything.

Getting organized before giving birth

• As the due date approaches, consider arranging your professional replacement if necessary, so that you can join your partner as soon as she calls.
  
• Think ahead about how you will get to the maternity ward. If you live nearby, you can walk: walking often helps labor progress. Otherwise, a car is the easiest option, but remember to check parking locations beforehand. If you don't have a vehicle, don't hesitate to call a taxi or ambulance and ask for a transport voucher: social security will cover the cost. Finally, if you find yourself in a bind with no other option, you can call 15 (the French emergency number) and they will send a vehicle.
  
  
• When the day comes, stay home with her during the early stages of labor, and trust her to decide when to go to the hospital. However, you can get a general idea: it's usually recommended to wait two hours of regular contractions every ten minutes before going to the hospital.
  
• When leaving for the maternity ward, remember to take care of your partner's and your future baby's luggage : it would be a shame to forget them at home in the excitement of the moment!

To be present... Or not

• Today, most fathers are present during the birth of their child. However, this is not an obligation: if you don't feel capable of being there, talk to your partner and openly discuss your concerns so that you can make a decision together that suits you both.
  
  Sometimes, the expectant mother prefers to give birth without the father present, either for fear of upsetting him or to better "enter his own space." If this is the case with your partner, respect her wish while also expressing your own desires: if you strongly want to be there, she may be touched and reassured, and she might even agree to have you with her.
   
• Finally, in the case of a cesarean section, most maternity wards ask the father to leave the delivery room. Stay close: as soon as your baby is born, you'll be the one to warm and reassure them during their first contact with the world. Consider taking off your shirt to offer them the incomparable warmth of skin-to-skin contact.

Things to know before the big day

• From 2 hours to over 24 hours, the duration of labor is extremely variable . But regardless of the actual number of hours, childbirth is a timeless interlude during which you and your partner enter a bubble where the minutes fly by. So prepare to let go and surrender to the emotion of this exceptional moment, without trying to control its course.
  
• Let your partner freely decide whether or not to have an epidural : even if it is difficult for you to accept seeing her suffer, she may want to experience birth in all its intensity.
  
• The pain of childbirth follows the curve of contractions : with each contraction, it begins gently, then rises, peaks, and finally subsides. Between contractions, the pain disappears: your partner can use these intervals to catch her breath and regain her strength. As labor progresses, the contractions become more intense and closer together. If the expectant mother feels the need to moan or cry out, encourage her: these sounds can help her cope with the pain.
  
  You might be surprised by your partner's behavior during labor: her manner and expression may be completely different from what you're used to. You'll need to reassure her as best you can, but without downplaying her feelings: acknowledge that it's difficult and encourage her to maintain a mental connection with your baby throughout labor. He, too, is accomplishing an extraordinary feat at the same time!
  
  The expectant mother will play the leading role during childbirth. However, your complaints or any discomfort you may feel are also perfectly valid: you can take advantage of quieter moments with your partner to express them to the midwives. They will take care of you and reassure you so that everyone benefits from a calm and peaceful atmosphere. Feel free to leave the delivery room from time to time if you need to: get something to eat, call loved ones if you feel lonely…

Supporting your partner during labor

You're probably wondering what role you can play during childbirth. Know that your mere presence is already a great support. Don't try to do more than you're capable of: you're neither your partner's midwife nor her therapist. However, if she agrees and you feel comfortable, you can be involved in several ways:

• You can help her find the right positions during contractions. Firm pressure from the hands on the lower back, or the application of very warm, wet towels to the same area, also often helps women manage the pain.
  
• You will also be able to track the rhythm of the contractions (using the monitor if it is connected) and warn her when one of them arrives, or at the peak of a contraction tell her that the pain is about to decrease.
  
• You can also help your partner recover between contractions with a tender gesture, a caress or a massage that will allow her to release residual tension.
  
• Also, be sure to create an atmosphere of trust and not to communicate any anxieties you may have to her: she will be more easily able to listen to herself if she feels surrounded by your serene warmth.
  
• If your partner has chosen an epidural and is not suffering, you will still have a big role to play: when the pain fades, anxieties may arise during the birth and she will then need your listening and support.
  
• If she doesn't ask you for anything during work, leave her alone without disturbing her with too many suggestions, even well-intentioned ones: during work, women need to enter a bubble from which they should not be distracted.
  
• During labor, support your partner by encouraging her . And when your baby is born, you can reach out and hold them to their mother. If you wish, you can also cut the umbilical cord: remember to ask the midwives during labor. Finally, allow yourself to feel your emotions: they forge the first bonds that unite you with your child.
  
  
  
• After birth, accompany your baby for the first pediatric examinations, and if possible carry him yourself: after those of his mother, your arms are the most secure for him, even if you feel clumsy.